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Dr. Phyllis J. Arno Temperament Corner: March/April
Updated: Apr 7
Youth, Temperament, and Stress
By: Dr Phyllis J. Arno
We are continuing the series titled Youth, Temperament and Stress. In this issue we will review some of the “Stress Triggers” in the Inclusion area of the Phlegmatic youth. We will specifically cover “stress” in the home and in school.
In review, the Inclusion area is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory relationship with people in the area of surface relationships, associations and socialization and intellectual energies.
Word Review of the Phlegmatic Youth in Inclusion
slow-paced
observer
calm
easy-going
task-oriented
dry humor
stubborn
tolerates people
dry humor
stubborn
tolerates people
selfish
efficient
protects their energy
avoid confrontation
STRESS TRIGGERS – HOME
1. LACK OF REST
Because of their low energy, this youth needs to have time to rest after school. Parents need to be taught that this Phlegmatic youth in Inclusion will become irritable and may make cutting (biting) remarks if they do not receive adequate rest.
2. ACCUSATIONS OF BEING LAZY, ESPECIALLY AFTER SCHOOL
Teach the parents that this Phlegmatic youth in Inclusion has a low energy level. Their optimum level might be considered unacceptable to the parents, and they are often accused of being lazy.
3. DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY - PARENTS - DRUGS/ALCOHOL
Encourage the parents to seek help in getting off drugs and alcohol so that this youth will not become a drug addict or alcoholic. If the drugs are readily available, think of what an escape this would be for a Phlegmatic! Remember:
CHILDREN HAVE NEVER BEEN GOOD AT LISTENING TO THEIR ELDERS, BUT THEY HAVE NEVER FAILED TO IMITATE THEM!
James Baldwin
4. BLENDED OR SINGLE FAMILY - SIBLING RIVALRY
In a single parent family, where one parent needs to be mom and dad, how can they prevent sibling rivalry? By giving each youth quality time—not necessarily quantity time and also by finding a person the parent can trust to be a mentor for this youth.
Enlighten the parents as to how there is a “pecking order” and that when families are blended, there may be two first borns, two last borns, etc., so each youth will be fighting to maintain their position. This can create problems such as anger, jealousy, resentment, etc., and can bring stress to the blended family. Since this youth is a Phlegmatic in Inclusion, their siblings may feel that this youth is not doing their share of the work, etc. Parents must remember to be open to listen to “all sides” of their disputes.
5. SEXUAL ABUSE - BABYSITTERS, SIBLINGS, RELATIVES, ETC.
Teach the parents to encourage the Phlegmatic in Inclusion youth to come to them with any and all problems they may be encountering.
They will need to encourage the Phlegmatic in Inclusion youth to share with them as the Phlegmatic youth in Inclusion usually will not volunteer information readily; they do not want to expend the energy.
Parents also need to look for signs such as irritability, overeating, cutting themselves, using drugs, drinking alcohol, etc.
5. AVAILABILITY OF ADULT MOVIES, TELEVISION AND THE INTERNET
Teach the parents to be aware of what the Phlegmatic in Inclusion youth is watching on television and what movies they are seeing. They also need to be aware of what they are doing on the computer. This Phlegmatic in Inclusion youth needs boundaries. This kind of activity takes very little energy, and they can easily use this as their escape from people and tasks!
Parents Need to Become Cyber Savvy!
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
Learn about parental controls and filtering software.
You can use search engines such as safesearchkids.com
Teach your kids to never give out their telephone number or address online.
MIDDLE SCHOOL
Keep the Internet account in your name to control passwords and filtering.
Check your children’s Internet browsing history. Allow them to email and instant-message only people they know. Randomly check their emails and “buddy lists.”
If your children participate in chats, help them pick screen names that don’t reveal personal information.
Take cyber-bullying seriously. If someone posts threatening or dangerous comments about your child, report it to the police and your service provider.
House rule: No downloading without your permission. You can set permissions on smartphones to have time limits on certain apps as well as prevent any downloads from happening without a password.
Apple iPhone Parental Controls
Samsung Galaxy Parental Controls
HIGH SCHOOL
Teach teens to use caution when posting about their friends and their plans.
Make sure your teens’ online photos don’t reveal identifying information, such as their school’s name.
Require your child to ask you before meeting an online “friend” in person. If you agree, schedule the meeting in a public place and accompany your teen.
If you have more questions about the intricacies of social media platforms, smartphones, and cybersecurity/cyberbullying please click the button below for parental guides.
NETWORK KNOW-HOW
Social networking sites such as Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and Facebook set minimum ages for participation. Generally, if your children are 13 or younger, you can have their pages removed. Read a site’s Terms of Use carefully for full details.
Ask to see your teens’ pages on social networking sites. Go through their feed, following, and saved posts.
Have your teens use the privacy settings on social networking sites, but be aware that some information, such as their picture, nickname, age and location may still be available for all users to see.
Go through your teens’ “friends” list to make sure they know and trust those people in real life. Consider making your own profile and “friending” your teens to stay informed about what they are posting.
Create a permission on their phone to set a limit and time frame they are allowed to be on social media platforms.