Updated: Mar 31
Youth, Temperament, and Stress
By: Dr Phyllis J. Arno
We are continuing the series titled Youth, Temperament and Stress. In this issue we will review some of the “Stress Triggers” in the Inclusion area of the Melancholy youth. We will specifically cover “stress” in the home and in school.
In review, the Inclusion area is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory relationship with people in the area of surface relationships, associations and socialization and intellectual energies.
Word Review of the Melancholy Youth in Inclusion
fear of rejection
fear of economic failure
STRESS TRIGGERS – HOME
1. PARENTAL REJECTION/CRITICISM
This youth needs encouragement and acceptance. Parental rejection will cause them to become more withdrawn and sullener. Parents should not reject them because they are quiet and do not want to go out and socialize all the time. The reason the Melancholy in Inclusion youth does not want to socialize is the fact that they are task oriented and not relationship oriented—they really do not understand people. Parents need to accept the fact that they are task oriented and not relationship oriented.
Melancholy in Inclusion youth do not usually want to expose their thoughts and fears. The parents need to take a genuine interest in them, asking the youth to work on a project (one of interest to the Melancholy in Inclusion youth) help them build a relationship on trust and respect.
Parental rejection can cause Melancholy youth to turn to drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography, etc. Parental rejection can also cause them to have feelings of worthlessness.
Teach the parents the difference between destructive and constructive criticism. Destructive criticism tends to make the youth feel condemned, and they will grow up condemning.
Teach the parents to be less negative. Negative is saying:
“No, you can’t go on the computer until your homework or chores are done.”
Try being positive when you tend to be negative!
“Yes, you can go on the computer as soon as you have finished your homework or chores.”
When a parent is in a situation where they are asked to make a quick decision, and they do not want to make this decision alone, they can say:
“That’s an interesting idea. I think your Dad (Mom) would like to be involved too. Let’s talk about it when they get home.”
Also, on a positive note, parents need to learn to give the Melancholy in Inclusion youth their own chores. Posting a schedule on the refrigerator or bulletin board will remind the youth without the parents “nagging” them.
2. DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY—PARENTS ON DRUGS/ALCOHOL
If the parents are on drugs or they are alcoholics, encourage them to seek help in getting off drugs. Also encourage them to seek help so they can stop drinking. Melancholy in Inclusion youth will tend to use drugs and alcohol to escape the pain. They will follow the example set by the parents—even if they hate the parents being on drugs or an alcoholic. Sometimes you become what you hate! Remember:
CHILDREN HAVE NEVER BEEN
GOOD AT LISTENING TO THEIR
ELDERS, BUT THEY HAVE NEVER
FAILED TO IMITATE THEM!
3. BLENDED OR SINGLE FAMILY–SIBLING RIVALRY