Temperament Corner: September/October

Updated: Dec 14, 2021


Youth, Temperament, and Stress

By: Dr Phyllis J. Arno


Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

I am continuing this series on Youth, Temperament and Stress. In this issue we will review some of the “Stress Triggers” in the Inclusion area of the Choleric youth. We will specifically cover “stress” in the home and in school.


For the Introduction to this series, please refer to the July/August, 2021 issue of the newsletter.


In review, the Inclusion area is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory relationship with people in the area of surface relationships, associations and socialization, and intellectual energies.





Word Review of the Choleric Youth in Inclusion

charming personable chameleon

confident well-organized task-oriented

upbeat fast-paced strong-minded

people motivators need recognition abusive temper



STRESS TRIGGERS – HOME


1. PARENTAL REJECTION/CRITICISM


This youth needs approval, acceptance and recognition. Parental rejection will cause them to go to the extreme in order to obtain approval, acceptance and recognition.


The parents need to put forth an effort to keep the communication lines open with this Choleric in Inclusion youth. They need to give this youth time to share their thoughts, achievements and goals. In other words, the parents need to be a “sounding board” for this youth to bounce their thoughts.


Teach the parents the difference between destructive and constructive criticism. (Destructive criticism tends to make the youth feel condemned, and they will grow up condemning.)


Teach the parents to be less negative. Negative is saying:


“No, you can’t go on the computer until your homework is done.”


Try being positive when you need to be negative!


“Yes, you can go on the computer as soon as you have finished your homework or your chores.”


When a parent is in a situation where they are asked to make a quick decision and they do not want to make this decision alone, they can say:


“That’s a good idea. I think your dad (mom) would like to be involved to. Let’s discuss it when they get home.”



2. DEATH OF FAMILY MEMBER—Loss of parent(s) or siblings or grandparents.

The death of a family member can be devastating to a Choleric in Inclusion youth. Death is the ultimate control. Death is something out of their control, and they can become stressed because they did not want to lose their loved one. They did not give their loved one permission to die.


The Choleric in Inclusion youth can become angry at others and/or God for the loss of their loved one and spend a great deal of time grieving. They need to be taught to give this anger (grief) over to God, forgive and allow Him to heal them.



3. DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY—Parents on drugs/alcohol/single parent/ blended family.


If the parents are on drugs or they are alcoholics, encourage them to seek help in getting off drugs and/or alcohol so that this Choleric in Inclusion youth will not follow in their footsteps and become a drug addict or alcoholic. A Choleric in Inclusion youth can be a great imitator, especially imitating their parents. If the parents use drugs and/or alcohol as a stress reliever, the Choleric in Inclusion may tend to do the same, especially if the drugs and/or alcohol are readily accessible to the Choleric in Inclusion youth. Remember:


Children have never been

Good at listening to their

Elders, but they have never

Failed to imitate them!

James Baldwin


If a single-family parent must be mom and dad, how can this parent give the youth the time that they need? They can give this youth quality time. Quality time means the parent gives them their undivided attention—setting aside a time just for this youth. They could do something special with the youth such as bowling, watching a movie, going to a ball game, etc. Also, they could try to find a person they can trust to become a mentor for this youth.


If a family is blended, enlighten the parents as to how the “pecking order” (birth order) can cause problems such as anger, jealousy, and resentment, since there may be two firstborns, two lastborns, etc. The parents need to be watching for signs such as intense sibling rivalry, moodiness, rebellion, irritability, low grades, etc.


4. SEXUAL ABUSE BY BABYSITTERS, SIBLINGS, RELATIVES, ETC.


Teach the parents to encourage this Choleric in Inclusion youth to come to them with all problems they might have. They need to let their Choleric in Inclusion youth know that they can talk with them. The parents should also look for signs such as moodiness, depression, lack of body hygiene, low grades, lack of interest, etc. Also, the parents should know to whom they are entrusting their children.


Knowing their youth’s temperament is the key to knowing what questions to ask. The parents need to assure the youth that they can tell them anything and that they will not get upset and explode, but that they will help the youth deal with the situation. Parents should not condemn their children but rather listen and deal with the situation in a godly manner.


5. AVAILABILITY OF MOVIES, TELEVISION AND THE INTERNET.


Teach the parents to always know what this Choleric in Inclusion youth is watching. This youth needs boundaries. They are unsure without them, and they will keep pushing until they find them—especially Choleric in Inclusion youths.


Parents Need to Become Cyber Savvy!

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL


  1. Learn about parental controls and filtering software.

  2. You can use search engines such as safesearchkids.com

  3. Teach your kids to never give out their telephone number or address online.


MIDDLE SCHOOL


  1. Keep the Internet account in your name to control passwords and filtering.

  2. Check your children’s Internet browsing history. Allow them to email and instant-message only people they know. Randomly check their emails and “buddy lists.”

  3. If your children participate in chats, help them pick screen names that don’t reveal personal information.

  4. Take cyber-bullying seriously. If someone posts threatening or dangerous comments about your child, report it to the police and your service provider.

  5. House rule: No downloading without your permission. You can set permissions on smartphones to have time limits on certain apps as well as prevent any downloads from happening without a password.


Apple iPhone Parental Controls


Samsung Galaxy Parental Controls