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Youth, Temperament, and Stress
By: Dr Phyllis J. Arno
We are continuing the series titled Youth, Temperament and Stress. In this issue we will review some of the “Stress Triggers” in the Inclusion area of the Sanguine youth. We will specifically cover “stress” in the home and in school.
In review, the Inclusion area is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory relationship with people in the area of surface relationships, associations and socialization and intellectual energies.
Word Review of the Sanguine Youth in Inclusion
extrovert
cheerful
inspiring
upbeat
undisciplined
people-oriented
fast paced
friendly
sunshine
impulsive
hot-tempered
fear rejection
talkative
exaggerator
extravagant
STRESS TRIGGERS – HOME
1. INACTIVITY
Because they are people-oriented, this Sanguine in Inclusion youth becomes bored at home alone or with siblings. They usually want to go somewhere and do something. They become moody and depressed if they do not have someone with whom to talk or some place to go.
2. RESPONSIBILITY
They tend to not want to do their homework or chores, especially clean up their room. They like their room “messy” because it helps them to feel as if they are not alone. A messy room can be their comfort zone. The parents need to work out a reward system for them in order to motivate them to clean their room, i.e., a trip to the mall, a movie, etc.
3. DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY - PARENTS - DRUGS/ALCOHOL
Encourage the parents to seek help in getting off drugs and alcohol. If it is readily available, this youth will tend to turn to drugs and alcohol as a self-indulgence to relieve their stress—and because it sounds exciting and fun and everyone else is doing it! Remember:
CHILDREN HAVE NEVER BEEN GOOD AT LISTENING TO THEIR ELDERS, BUT THEY HAVE NEVER FAILED TO IMITATE THEM!
James Baldwin
4. BLENDED OR SINGLE FAMILY - SIBLING RIVALRY
In a single-parent family, where one parent needs to be mom and dad, how can they prevent sibling rivalry? By giving the youth quality time—not necessarily quantity—and also by finding a person the parent can trust to be a mentor of this youth.
Enlighten the parents as to how there is a “pecking order” and that when families are blended, there may be two first borns, two last borns, etc., so each youth will be fighting to maintain their position. This can create problems such as anger, jealousy, resentment, etc., and can bring stress to the blended family. Since this youth is a Sanguine in Inclusion, their siblings may feel that this youth is “goofing off” and not helping to do their share of the work. Parents must remember to be open to listen to “all sides” of their disputes.
5. SEXUAL ABUSE - BABYSITTERS, SIBLINGS, RELATIVES, ETC.
Teach the parents to encourage the Sanguine in Inclusion youth to come to them with any and all problems they may be encountering. This should not be too difficult because Sanguines like to share; however, if they fear disapproval, they may not be as open to share. Also, the parents should know to whom they are entrusting their children.
Parents also need to look for signs such as irritability, overeating, cutting themselves, using drugs, drinking alcohol, etc.
Knowing this youth’s temperament is the key to know what questions to ask. You need to let them know that they can tell you anything and that you will not get upset and explode.
6. AVAILABILITY OF ADULT MOVIES, TELEVISION AND THE INTERNET
Teach the parents to always know what the Sanguine in Inclusion youth is watching on television and what movies they are seeing. They also need to be aware of what the youth is doing while on the computer. This Sanguine in Inclusion youth needs boundaries. Again, they are usually willing to tell you what they are watching and what they are doing on the Internet.
Parents Need to Become Cyber Savvy!
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
Learn about parental controls and filtering software.
You can use search engines such as safesearchkids.com
Teach your kids to never give out their telephone number or address online.
MIDDLE SCHOOL
Keep the Internet account in your name to control passwords and filtering.
Check your children’s Internet browsing history. Allow them to email and instant-message only people they know. Randomly check their emails and “buddy lists.”
If your children participate in chats, help them pick screen names that don’t reveal personal information.
Take cyber-bullying seriously. If someone posts threatening or dangerous comments about your child, report it to the police and your service provider.
House rule: No downloading without your permission. You can set permissions on smartphones to have time limits on certain apps as well as prevent any downloads from happening without a password.
Apple iPhone Parental Controls
Samsung Galaxy Parental Controls
HIGH SCHOOL
Teach teens to use caution when posting about their friends and their plans.
Make sure your teens’ online photos don’t reveal identifying information, such as their school’s name.
Require your child to ask you before meeting an online “friend” in person. If you agree, schedule the meeting in a public place and accompany your teen.
If you have more questions about the intricacies of social media platforms, smartphones, and cybersecurity/cyberbullying please click the button below for parental guides.
NETWORK KNOW-HOW
Social networking sites such as Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and Facebook set minimum ages for participation. Generally, if your children are 13 or younger, you can have their pages removed. Read a site’s Terms of Use carefully for full details.
Ask to see your teens’ pages on social networking sites. Go through their feed, following, and saved posts.
Have your teens use the privacy settings on social networking sites, but be aware that some information, such as their picture, nickname, age and location may still be available for all users to see.
Go through your teens’ “friends” list to make sure they know and trust those people in real life. Consider making your own profile and “friending” your teens to stay informed about what they are posting.
Create a permission on their phone to set a limit and time frame they are allowed to be on social media platforms.
STRESS TRIGGERS – SCHOOL
1. INABILITY TO PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS
The Sanguine in Inclusion youth has a short attention span. It is hard for them to concentrate on doing tasks when they would prefer to be out socializing. Parents need to make sure that the Sanguine in Inclusion gets the rest they need as they could fall asleep in class, or their thoughts can go out the window.
2. HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS
Homework is boring. It is a task. Parents need to find a way to reward them for completing their homework and making good grades. The reward should be something they will want to work towards; however, the parents must stick to their agreement for the reward. The Sanguine in Inclusion youth may try to talk their way into receiving the reward without having first completed the work.
3. AVAILABILITY OF DRUGS/ALCOHOL/SEX.
Encourage the parents to watch for signs of drugs, alcohol and sex. The Sanguine in Inclusion youth, if they are using drugs or drinking alcohol, could become more moody or high-strung. They could also become more irritable than usual and pull away from their family and friends. They might also become slothful and not want to shower or change their clothes.
The parents need to teach the youth the consequences of drugs/alcohol/sex. They need to be prepared by having DVDs, CDs or movies to watch with this youth. Seeing is a good teaching tool for the Sanguine in Inclusion, because they can become easily bored with facts.
There is a lot of GOOD information on the Internet regarding this.
For example:
National Institute on Drug Abuse http://www/drugabuse.gov
Look for Signs of Sexual Addiction:
Frequently telling sexual jokes or making sexual comments or innuendos.
Engaging in sexual activity-especially with several partners.
Spending considerable time in activities that could lead to sexual activity, such as cruising for potential partners or spending hours online in chat rooms trying to hook up with others.
Visiting pornographic websites or looking at pornographic magazines, books, videos.
Neglecting obligations such as work, school, or family in pursuit of sexual activity.
Continuing to engage in illicit sexual behavior despite the negative consequences related with such activities.
Escalating the scope or frequency of sexual activity to achieve a desired effect, such as more frequent visits to Web sites or sex with more partners.
Frequently isolating themselves from parents and friends and not informing others of their whereabouts.
Getting angry if someone shows concerns or questions them about sex or their use of pornography.
Feeling irritable when unable to engage in some sort of sexual activity for a long period of time.
Making telephone calls with an 800 or 900 prefix.
Becoming increasingly dishonest with other people.
People who work with sex addicts say that when someone meets 3 or more of the above, that person could possibly have a problem with sexual addition.
For more information on help for troubled youth and adults and for those who minister to them. You can also go to The Missing Link Inc. at http://misslink.org
4. DISAPPROVAL FROM TEACHERS/CLASSMATES.
Encourage the parents to find out why their children are having problems with their teachers and classmates, especially the bullies. Parents should encourage the youth to express their thoughts, listen and not immediately give their disapproval.
5. BOMB THREATS AND SCHOOL KILLINGS.
Encourage the parents to discuss disasters at school and teach the Sanguine in Inclusion youth to stay “prayed up,” be aware of their surroundings, etc. In this way, they can learn to face their fears
6. NEEDING TO GO ALONG WITH THE CROWD
The Sanguine in Inclusion youth will go along with the group or crowd or even an individual in order to keep from being rejected. They will absolutely do things they know are wrong. The parents should try to impress upon them the fact that they need to be pleasing God, not classmates. The crowd will leave them; Jesus never will.
NOTE: Inactivity and being alone are very stressful for the Sanguine in Inclusion youth. If they do not have an outlet for their stress, they may become moody and angry. They may try to alleviate their stress by overeating. They may also try to find a release by using drugs, sex and alcohol.
PLEASE NOTE: These are temperament tendencies, and, as always, while you are counseling Sanguine in Inclusion youths, you must take into consideration the following: their walk with the Lord, personality, learned behavior and birth order.
We hear on the air
Of killing and stealing
And crime everywhere.
We sigh and we say
As we notice the trend,
“This young generation—
Where will it all end?”
But can we be sure
That it’s their fault alone?
That maybe a part of it
Isn’t also our own?
Kids don’t make movies,
They don’t write the books,
That paint a gay picture
of gangsters and crooks.
They don’t make the liquor,
They don’t run the bars,
They don’t make the laws
And they don’t buy cars.
They don’t make the drugs
That addle the brain;
It’s all done by older folks,
Greedy for gain.
In far too many cases
We find this to be true,
The label “Delinquent”
Fits older folks, too.
by William Dascenzo