Temperament Corner: May/June

Updated: Jul 29, 2021

Special Notes For Counseling Married Couples That Have “Like” Temperaments In The Inclusion Area

By: Dr. Phyllis J. Arno

Dr. Phyllis Arno

As you know, “opposite” temperaments tend to attract each other because of their differences; however, we find that “like” temperaments can also tend to attract each other. And just like the “opposite” temperaments, the “like” temperaments need to learn to live with each other. The “like” temperaments need to understand their likenesses.

In this issue, we will cover a Supine married to a Supine in the Inclusion area.

In review, the Inclusion area is the need to establish and maintain a satisfactory relationship with people in the area of surface relationships, association, socialization, and their intellectual energies.

The following are some words that describe a Supine in Inclusion:

gentle spirit sensitive

indirect behavior fear of rejection

servant lonely

hurt feelings (internalized anger) task/relationship oriented

Supine In Inclusion Married To A Supine In Inclusion

In the Inclusion area, there will be no “opposites attracting” since they are both Supines in Inclusion. They will have to learn to work together, not against each other.

When opposites attract, they can bring out the best in each other and they can balance each other out; however, two Supines in Inclusion will have a hard time maintaining balance because of their indirect behaviors and lack of communication skills.

Both will wait for the other to initiate.

Both “feel” that they have “hurt” feelings rather than anger.

Both need personal invitations to social events.

Both need to have time to think and to “slot” their thoughts.

Both want to be with people but tend to be stressed by them.

Both want to do tasks but tend to be stressed by them.

Both tend to be tenderhearted and gentle-spirited.

Both Parties Have The Same Basic Needs

1. To Have The Other Initiate

Both have indirect behaviors; they will wait for the other to initiate. This is because both have a high fear of rejection.

I do not know how this couple met unless they were introduced by a third party. I also do not know how they got married because neither would propose due to their fear of rejection. Since they are both Supines in Inclusion, they may have dated for years, both waiting for the other to bring up the subject of marriage.

Both will probably, after they are married, expect their spouse to “read” their mind. For example, if she wants yellow roses for her birthday, she will not say that she wants them and she will not even mention it; however, if he does not get them for her, she will pout and pull away from him—go into her “turtle” shell. This is because she feels that he “should have known” what she wanted. She feels that if she has to ask for the flowers, then the gift would not be genuine; he only bought them for her because she asked!

Both parties tend to wait for the other to say that they want to go somewhere. This is because they feel that if they initiate, their spouse is only going because they had to ask, and that if they genuinely wanted to go, they would have mentioned it.

Guidelines For Helping This Couple

  1. They must both come to understand that they are both introverts and have indirect behavior.

  2. They need to learn to communicate with each other rather than expecting each other to “know” what the other wants. As a matter of fact, most of time, they would not want their spouse to read their mind.

  3. They need to learn to initiate; otherwise, they are going to spend their whole life waiting for their spouse to initiate. Since neither will initiate, they will both become “hurt” and they will pull farther away from each other. It will be like a cold war, and neither spouse will understand what is going on. They will each nurse their “hurts,”all the while building up resentment which will then cause them to“explode” one day.

2. To Serve

Both will serve the other; even if they both are sick, they will still try to take care of each other. This is because they have a servant’s heart.